Real Ezering

Just a vessel for something greater. Choice to be used  or to ignore a calling greater than myself.

still small is the voice that I want to hear and ignore all at the same time

its too much for me, all that He requires

sloppy grace

is easy

yet its clamoring and loud never peaceful at my soul’s door

I want Him but at what personal cost?

I spat in the face of His grace – all His love for me because I want easy

Tired. Stressed. Depleted.

All SELF SEEKING

Regroup my motives

Take it away, take it all,

Stripped down to nothing

And He is found,

Still there ,Still aware of all

That I cannot pretend to be

Didn’t I want to be chosen

Am I not lovely

Is there anything left inside

Messy confused displaced heart

This flesh, my flesh holding me captive

Choose which way

It all matters

Grander schemes or pointless dreams

My journey travels on

Yet knowing it will lead to eternal glory if I just allow it

But I

Chose to ignore it chose to be my own captain and speak

Only when afraid of losing others because outside myself I nothing

Yet inward, I, I, I,I, … so sickening

Wondering if He could or would want to see past me

And all that I have wrapperd around

Find my talents where they are buried

some where between self-perseverance and ego

intuitively aware…no! just listening

How can I honestly say I am not?

He is with me all the time holding me.

I say He will always be there and somewhere I inside

I fear He is already gone.

What is my purpose?

Why the mistrust?

Wasn’t it He that called me out of Egypt?

Grateful for a moment and now I show gratitude by lack of worship

Lack of adoration

Lack of love

Yet here I am still reminding myself

As if these truths are somehow new and not been placed in my heart

So very long ago.

Traveling forward with more awareness

Choices made not out of obligation, not out of a desire to belong to a community

Real commitment. Real desire. Real love.

Real Ezer.