Blast From The Past

I have this nightgown that I still wear from 1989. That would put me right about the age of 10/11 when I got it. I'd like to say wow I still fit in my clothes from fifth/sixth grade but I'll confess this is one of those ladies one size fits all nightgowns. I have worn this night gown through middle school, high school, and even all my pregnancies. It's still completely intact with the exception of one small tear from a not-so-gentle spin cycle. Of all the things that I own, this is by far the oldest. Typically, I am not a big sentimentalist. I can throw things away that some people might cringe and gasp at like a onesie that Chris had his first poo in...ya, i have pictures for memories not stuff. But, the thought of not having my nightgown that's got a super cool "Esleep" logo on, makes me uncomfortable. Maybe even stirs up anxiety...

Why is that? Why would I have issue with throwing things away from my past that really have no big back story? This isn't exactly a family heirloom. I am perfectly content that my childhood is barely visible in my rearview mirror..so it's not that. Maybe, it was just having one thing that is not changing, comforting just knowing that at the end of a rough day...I can have that nightgown. Obviously, I could buy another nightgown.

This reminded me of the story of Lot and his wife (genesis 19) when God showed his favor to them by sending two angels to say grab your kids, grab your wife and bounce... allowing them to leave Gomorrah before He destroyed it. On their way out she decides to look back and gets consumed by it all. She ends up a pillar of salt- awkward.

There are happenings in our past that we carry with us, it's part of what makes us who we are. I wonder though how many times we look back with longing for our past so much so that we end up consumed by it. Fortunately, my life doesn't include this epic story of me turning into a pillar of salt, but because of my past I have mistrusted and made several inaccurate presumptions about people. Despite the favor of making it through my own personal brimstone and fire, there are little comforts like my super awesome nightgown that I still cling to because they are mine and they are safe. I'm still keeping the nightgown but I think I'm going to work on cleaning out some old thought patterns based solely on the actions of people and occurences from my past.